Valentine – er rather, singles awareness day, is the first commercial holiday after Christmas and New Years. It’s no wonder money-hungry corporations are using corny (AF) marketing tactics to target our emotions, and insecurities stemming from the shortcomings of our personal lives.
Let’s face it: it’s getting old. Older than Donald Trump’s combover and tacky tan combined, with a sprinkling of his godawful Twitter tantrums.
We think you should celebrate an unconventional Valentine’s Day this year with our list of un-Valentine hacks to help you get your heart-on!
Whether you’re looking for a fling or just wanna bake and get baked with your circle ‘o friends, there’s something here for you.
Bake & Get Baked
Sugary shortbread cookies are a Valentine staple, so why not kick them up a notch? Turn those boring, conservatively cheese ‘be mine’ bites into ‘nah, I’m good’ or ‘pass the guac’ confectionary alternatives.
Not sure how to make cannabutter? I recommend taking a gander at this helpful website to measure, heat and bake accordingly.
If DIY THC-infused baked goods aren’t your thing and you have a tendency to burn everything, we suggest placing an order with a local baker and let them manage the handy work. We love love love Yes Please MTL’s creations!
*Please note that their cookies are NOT laced with THC, but it would be pretty sick if they were.
Netflix & Get Lit
There’s no need to cry into your pillow when you’ve got the subscription that keeps on giving. We hear it pairs nicely with a glass Pinot Noir and a joint.
No, you don’t need to buy your significant other/friends/friend-with-benefits anything, but if you’re gonna shop why not buy from small businesses that are producing rare and unique finds? There are loads of startups on Kickstarter that could use the funding – plus you usually get early funder perks and add-ons for helping out!
Sweat it out
Hitting the gym is a great way to show your body a little lovin’ – and work off the winter snackcidents which have been accumulating since the first snowfall. Spring is like a month away, so get moving!
DIY Spa Day
The internet is a wondrous source of do-it-yourself information, so save your hard-earned cash and turn your home into your very own personal spa. Make a day of it and invite your friends for a beauty party. Heck, why not add Sex and the City into the mix and get some drinks flowing?
The Booty Call
For single folks, the mobile dating world can be a cornucopia of unsavory experiences, often sending us app-hopping from Tinder to Happn and Bumble & beyond.
If you’ve been off the app for a while but are now reconsidering thanks to the holiday, might we suggest a few new updates that have come out while you’ve been hiding?
If you’re going to turn to mobile dating as a means to get through this wretched holiday, you may as well do it right.
Speaking of looking for love in all the wrong places (i.e., the internet), why not take the leap on Happn and give that that meet-up/hangout feature a-go and date in real-time? No fuss and no chickening out!
But before you open the app, do yourself a solid and head to the app store and download this first:
Sudo allows you to maintain anonymity online, because they believe that having control over your personal data is a human right (right?!). So the next time someone on Tinder, Happn or Bumble asks you for your phone number, you can happily hand over a number that isn’t your own. Presto!
Tinder now has this group date (or whatever) option that brings you even closer to your closest mates. Level up your bro-status by swiping as a team! It almost looks like a virtual gangbang, with one part social for every two parts gross, but I’m sure it serves a less pervy purpose.
This Hallmark Holiday is nothing more than a cash-grab by select companies who capitalize off of our personal lives while testing the strength of our New Years resolutions (I’m looking at YOU, Nestle). So why not stick ’em where it hurts by refraining from following the conventional path most traveled?
See something that isn’t listed here? Get creative and come up with something out of the Nudabox, and leave a suggestion in the comments!